Just for Dads
A Few Random Thoughts On How Dads Can Help Support Breastfeeding
Written by Fathers
The evidence is very clear that breastfeeding offers tons of advantages for your child(ren). It is also clear that it offers many advantages for the mother. For dad, there are a couple of clear advantages. My kids diapers didn’t reek the way they did when they were on formula temporarily; and it’s a lot easier for dad to hand the child(ren) off to mom. When the waiting is over and you finally meet your kid(s) for the experience is overwhelming. Pretty soon you start to recognize how important it is to take care of basics-sleep, eat, poop, pee, and check things out a little. Don’t believe me – try going 24 hours without doing ALL these things and see how YOU feel! The hard part is that when you really learn this lesson, you are sleep deprived from managing the needs of your newborn(s).
When it comes to eating, mom’s body has the specialized part for the job. So after waiting all that time to meet your offspring, now you want to do the right thing and give them right back to mom for feeding. Although it sounds great, for dad’s who want to be involved in helping their child(ren) adjust to life on the outside, this can be tough. I recall thinking several times, sure it’s easy for you to get them to stop crying – just whip it out and instant comfort. I don’t think I actually SAID this, (although my memory is a bit hazy from lack of sleep in the early days with twins), but I know I thought it. It can be frustrating not to be able to provide food, but there are still many ways fathers can support their families through the process.
Here are a few random thoughts from real fathers on how we helped our new families through breastfeeding.
One more day.
Realize that mom might not actually go insane, but that post partum hormones are real. So are difficulties in breastfeeding. Both moms and babies sometimes have difficulty learning how to breastfeed. I think the biggest thing I did to support breastfeeding, was to encourage my wife to try to get through today – and maybe tomorrow. Breastfeeding was difficult and caused pain at first. Feeling bad about her abilities to feed her own children and feeling like even 6 months was impossible, I tried to keep us all focused on getting through one more day (one more feeding if I had to). Just like a lot of things dad’s are good at, it’s about showing up day after day and practicing hard. Improvement will come over time and it will get easier.
Get educated.
Although dads don’t have the equipment they can learn how it works and how to support mom through the process. Learn about breastfeeding. Know that hot water on a washcloth can help prevent clogged ducts. Study positions – you may have done this to get the child in the first place; now put those study skills to use in figuring out how mom and baby can come together. It’s something else to see mom nursing two babies in a double football hold!
Get help.
Just because you’re a dad doesn’t mean you have to know everything. (I’m pretty sure by the time your child(ren) become teenagers you won’t know anything anyway – even if you have a PhD in Neurobiology). Our son’s first visit to the chiropractor came when he was about a month old – he received a jaw adjustment from a highly refined practitioner that made it a lot easier for him to nurse. Lactation consultants, supportive doctors, our own mothers (if they breastfed you or mom) and other providers can help get you educated and can offer some practical ideas. I helped out by talking notes and watching carefully so we could get through the feedings when other people were not around to share.
Learn to share and consider other possibilities.
Nursing moms get bigger breasts. That’s pretty straightforward. This can be a turn on or possibly a turn off. Your partner may not want you anywhere near there in a sexual way. Her breasts are actually doing their thing – just what they were designed to do. Hopefully you and your partner have a healthy relationship to begin with and have already found a wide variety of ways to be intimate. Even though it may seem like a long time, the sharing phase is really pretty short-lived.
Feed the machine.
Okay, mom’s not really a machine, and this one might generate some nasty email. So before hitting the send key consider that mom’s body is actually producing food. In order to do this, she needs to take in lots of good food and major calories to keep producing. This includes plenty of liquids. So don’t be shy about getting mom to eat a lot of good healthy foods – especially ones rich in iron to prevent anemia.
Give mom a break.
Whether because of a work situation or simply the need for sleep, it’s possible to have mom pump milk and then let dad take a feeding using the milk. Talk to a lactation consultant about how to time this for your particular situation.
Remember economics.
Demand creates supply. Just like in my microeconomics classes – if the people keep demanding something, eventually supply will rise to the proper level. Okay maybe my professors or textbooks didn’t quite say that, but it is how mom’s body will respond. If you substitute formula too soon, mom’s production will actually go down.
Apply common sense.
This may be hard in the early sleep-deprived days with a new child(ren), but eventually someone will probably encourage you to stop breastfeeding. So keep a level head and keep trying.
Formula IS way more expensive.
If your child is gaining weight appropriately and not continually crying out for food (learn the hunger cry), then is there really a need to measure how much is going into the baby? Besides are you going to be as diligent in measuring what is coming out?
The advantages are HUGE.
There are so many benefits of breastfeeding. As the father of twins born six weeks early and in January, we were very concerned about cold and flu season and RSV. Nursing helped get them through.
How can bottles possibly be more convenient?
The only thing that comes to mind is when mom is away.
Need More Information?
For more tips about how dad’s can help, the following websites have suggestions for how dads can be involved with breastfeeding twins:
Breastfeeding Facts for Fathers